U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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