Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
