I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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