I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
