I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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