i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
