When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Randomize
