3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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