in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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