"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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