The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
