I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
