Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
