they need to just BURY HIM!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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