well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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