I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
