I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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