i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
