She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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