You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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