Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I love you. Go after that dick
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
