Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
