im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
