she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
