Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
