And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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