You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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