I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
