Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
