I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
