I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
