We won't sleep together?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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