You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
