no, he came in my armpit
We need to rekindle our bromance
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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