just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
