fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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