am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
