i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
