I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
