I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
