Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
