I wanna passion pit in your ass
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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