Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
