Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
