i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
