I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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