billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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