Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
