I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
another moral hangover. fuck.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
