you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
