I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
