Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
