I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
